The little engine that must...

Sometimes I just want to break down. But that isn't exactly true. I feel broken down. I feel...like a car with an engine that shouldn't be running but still is. One that should have been taken to the shop...or re-sold.
I feel like throughout my days I smile and nod and add more weight to my shoulders. I may say small things about how I feel tired or stressed. But....when I'm alone...when the lights are low and the only voice is the one in my head...
Inside my head hangs low and I just want to open my hands and let go. Just cry. Just stop....doing everything that matters while I rot slowly away under my blankets....becoming earth I suppose.

But I can't.

I've got things to do. I've got expectations to meet.

I've got reasons why I'll never set my burden down. Reasons why I'll never give up.



Sometimes it's only two reasons....sometimes more.


Sometimes the reasons are very very stupid.....but they are reasons. Sometimes they are simple as "because".

So I keep my foot to the gas and wish this vehicle over one more hill. Until the next rest stop. Until the wheels fall off.

I'll keep driving.