*TOOT* *TOOT* The Fail Train!

I honestly think at times that I'm a failure. I am....and have failed...so it isn't specifically that. Everyone has, at one time or another, failed. Not succeeded. No shame in that. In fact...most great moves forward come from the stumbles, trips, and even falls of previous attempts.
But...at times...I feel I have failed greatly. Missed a very large and important mark. Or from time to time missed several.
Most of these feelings come from my own expectations...sometimes ones I've chosen to accept from outside sources but mostly from me alone.
I usually manage to, eventually, come to grips that my perceived failing or failure was in fact simply a different way to grow or a new opportunity.
But sometimes...when outside distractions grow quiet...the short and unerasable list stares me in the face and I can not rationalize it away. There are things that I personally feel I have failed at...that I have failed utterly and unequivocally NOT succeeded at.
I'd like to think that...I could take the missed opportunities and learn from them but......each rare but grand failure...is different and comes so unexpectedly that the wisdom I'd learned from past faux pas does me little to no good at all.
Like an albatross they hang from my neck and no hand can remove them.
I simply continue with my life...acting out each day like I can make some magical comeback like the protagonist in a novel. Through witty, sincere, heartfelt truths spoken to the woman I love I win her heart and we marry in a magical wedding. Like I can simply walk away from my job with a firm but honest opinion about why I'm leaving to do the things I love and be successful at them. But no credits will roll while a cool and popular "feel good" sing plays on the sound track....while short images flash in smaller boxes showing how great and wonderful life has become.
I just keep rolling farther down the line in my failure train. Thinking back to how I should have gotten off at "that" stop.
I don't often think these things...just sometimes. I specifically try to avoid dwelling on these things, not simply because of the melancholy feelings they bring but because if I spend my time looking back down the tracks at the stop I missed...I'll most likely miss another...
Enjoy the ride but don't miss your transfers and stops.